Help with a short story?

It's hard to say, it does have a LOT of thing that need to be changed. Too many words used over in each sentence, some wording problems that could be tidied up a bit and a few run ons. But the plus side is that I see some extreme potential for you. The character you write about keeps me interested and you create a mystery for the reader, who is she, what's going on. It keeps you wanting to know but you're going to have to word on sentence structure a bit. Make it sound more interesting, but it's a good beggining and I think this could be worth reading =)